This post is for the highly sensitive people.
When we go on this journey through life, we get many opportunities to refine ourselves. This refining process looks something like a sculpture. You smooth out the areas that are rough and you uncover the beauty that was already inside. When we go through difficult experiences, we uncover the areas that need to be smoothed out, and the areas that reinforce our strengths.
The area I need to constantly develop is the fact that I am a highly sensitive person. This is something I recognized in myself years ago. I sometimes feel I am skating through life thinking I conquered this “weakness” of mine, only to find I hit a chunk of ice on the blade of my skate – falling flat on my face.
I’ve always been a person at times that “takes things to heart.” Taking things to heart is great when you are feeling great love for someone. But a lot of the time, it’s more of a selfish feeling based on someone else’s words/actions towards us.
I’m sure this is a common feeling highly sensitive people go through.
I even get sensitive about the fact that I now “identify” as a sensitive person (haha). But alas, ever since I was a child, I always seemed to have this “problem”. Growing up, I had a lot of issues with anger and reactivity. I’d try to rebel and run away from conflict when my family didn’t “see things my way.”
A lot of times, family members would simply check out when I was having an emotional outburst (because to them it was easier to just ignore it). I remember taking innocuous teasing, as absolute truths. My siblings used to be able to easily fool me with my gullible nature. I can always remember dismissive eye rolls with “oh.. Claire”.
It didn’t just stop as a young child of course; it continued through my teenage years. I would have extreme emotional highs and lows. Who doesn’t as a teenager? I remember things being so colourful and dark all at the same time. When you are young things are always new and exciting. And with these new experiences also comes your first taste of pain.
Generally speaking, as you age you become a little more desensitized to the world and the colours start to become greyer. Most young children take things personally because when you think about it – everything is a threat when you are that small. I resonate with the quote – “when you are young, everything feels like the end of the world – but it’s only the beginning.”
Some people completely grow out of their childish sensitivity, while others still carry around a residual of it in their adulthood. I’m one of those people that hasn’t been able to shake it off completely.
But what if you aren’t supposed to totally get rid of it? What if there was a way you could use it as a strength? I didn’t really know this could be a reality until I deeply thought of another perspective on it.
If what I described sounds familiar to you. I came up with a list of five strengths of a sensitive person. And how it could be alchemized into something beautiful:
1) You can become aware of your triggers and become even stronger as a result
The nature of sensitivity is the fact that you are hyper aware. You are aware of others’ emotions and cues. With this ability, our task is to re-direct our focus on what’s going on inside. All these triggers can be seen as opportunities. Opportunities to understand yourself more, which as a result will help you grow your compassion and patience – for others and yourself.
I used to have this weird trigger with certain repetitive noises. I let it bother me so much that I became so irritated that I felt like I wanted to kill someone. Over time, I went inward and asked – why does this bother me so much? Is it possible for me to sit here in the uncomfortable feeling and grow my capacity for tolerance? Is this worth all of this negative energy that I am putting towards this?
You can ask these questions to any type of triggers that come up within you. What you notice over time is that your triggers start to “fade out”. It’s like when you first sit down at a restaurant and there is cheesy music playing that is a bit off-putting.
After a while, once you re-direct your focus on the conversation you are having, and the food you are eating – the music slowly fades off into the background.
Ironically, even though you are very emotionally sensitive – this actually gives you the capability to be even more emotionally stoic.
2) You can bring A-LOT of creativity to the table
Your sensitivity is the ultimate gift to the artist within you.
There seems to be a pattern within different types of artists who have made it to fame. They all share one trait, which is sensitivity. There is something so profoundly beautiful in this, it’s as if they can hear colors and smell sounds.
On the other side of the coin, they also cannot handle the negative criticism and the large amounts of attention. This leads them to substance abuse to numb their overwhelming feelings.
For the average person, find a way to be grateful for your ability to feel. This ability fuels your ability to create. If you put your feelings towards something creatively productive, it can be the most transformative experience.
To have emotions, is what it means to be human. You can use your sensitivity as a tool instead of something that controls you.
3) You have the ability to lift others up when they are suffering emotionally
If sensitive people choose to round out their rough edges, they have the potential to become amazing confidants and encouragers. Sensitive people have the ability to dive right into the emotion the other person is feeling.
They can listen, offer encouraging words if needed, and act as a witness of support until the other person carries themselves through. Even though it’s helpful to understand what is going on inside of you. At times we can get a little too wrapped up in our own feelings. Helping others can allow us to get outside of ourselves for a while.
The biggest thing you must learn here is that you must not take this for granted. You have been given the gift from God to have the emotional capacity to feel a lot of different things. Therefore, you have a great capacity to understand what others are feeling and to grow your range of emotional literacy.
With this gift, people can find themselves putting their trust in you. You must treat this trust as a precious newborn baby.
I used to find it annoying when certain people knew what I was feeling. My emotions cause me to light up like a Christmas tree which makes it hard to hide. Sometimes, I thought it would be nice if I could just mask it so then people wouldn’t ask.
But then, I realized that having the ability to change the temperature of a room (whether that’s positive or negative) could be a gift to others – if wielded effectively.
4) Your capacity to feel negative emotion increases your capacity to feel great joy. “As above so below.”
I think most people have moments where they think their life is a dramatic movie. This is normal to feel this way, but one must remember to come back to real life.
Melo-dramatic used to be my middle name when I was a teenager. Even though I haven’t completed healed from this feeling of melancholy from time to time. I think there is still beauty inside of that feeling, and if I’m honest – I don’t really want to “heal” from it. Instead, I decided to call it “sweet sadness.”
I found that with every painful OR joyful experience, you can increase your capacity to feel both. They say a root system of some trees is a mirror image to what is above the ground. As the tree grows, it grows equally above and below ground.
The same concept works with your emotional capacity. The depth of your sadness below ground, grows your ability to feel immense joy above the ground.
This concept is something I visualize whenever I am feeling a less desirable emotion. If I’m really low, I let myself revel in it (ideally without others around). I listen to the sad or angry music, I let it grow inside of me. But I also remember that there is another half of me that is growing above ground in the light.
5) You have the ability to bring more life to a world that’s way too serious
If your dark side is well refined, you have the potential to bring a lot of life to the world. Your relationships, work, family, and community are all better off when you bring all your colours to the table.
The world is a very serious and mundane place a lot of the time. Of course, you must aim not to let this overtake you and absorb it all with your sensitive antenna. But also make it an intention to find that inner artist, inner child, inner light – and be that in someone’s life.
That doesn’t mean you need to be “Pollyanna” all the time for everyone. When I say “bringing life to the world” that includes the whole range of emotion (without directing negativity on others).
I realized I was a bit of a comedian to others; I believe this was passed down from my aunt who has since left this earth. My sensitive side was saying “maybe they are just laughing at me, not with me.” But even if that is true, who cares? I am bringing a laugh to someone’s day and that alone is a gift.
* * *
We were all put on this earth to discover who we really are. And finding out who we are can be incredibly terrifying and not for the faint of heart.
Over time, I’ve learned to adopt the perspective that people who are triggering to you, and challenging situations are messengers for growth. (See What is the Truth About Anger?)
You can thank those people later for bringing out the “ugly” parts of you. We pull these parts out of each other not to necessarily rid ourselves of it, but to alchemize it into a blessing instead of a curse.
This post is inspired by:
The Healing Power of Anxiety Training by Anya Grace (Affiliate Link)
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