We live in a world where obsession is somehow equal to true love, or that it means the same thing. Have you ever wondered if it’s just obsession or true love?
I have found that this is one of the single biggest reasons we have so much trouble in dating and relationships.
We have been SO conditioned since we were young children.
The conditioning looks like this: if you can’t get that person off your mind, if you are yearning, if you are wondering, if you are questioning, if you are just SO preoccupied with thinking about this person – that means they are the ONE for you.
Wrong. It’s such a distorted line of thinking – and it’s based on mostly your own projections.
It starts with Disney films, it’s in almost every song ever created, then it turns into getting your heart broken for the first time as a teenager, and then it turns into getting your heart broken a few more times as an adult.
Yes, that’s my own experience.
But this is what it took for me to get to a point where I started to question whether or not I was choosing people I actually loved (true love), or spending too much time on doubting what I truly needed (stuck in lust). And from there, lead me to have this weak belief system around love.
I could just blame the human conditioning of the world. I could blame the enemy for putting this “thought disease” into everyones’ heads.
Or, I could choose to start UN-conditioning myself and be 100% committed to seeking only the truth.
There is of course another factor in this…
I was listening to a podcast about a similar subject and they were discussing rat experiments. The rat in the cage gets fed food at unpredictable times, even though the rat is suffering, it will stay alive just to hang around for unpredictable breadcrumbs.
Human beings have an attraction to unpredictability. (This is a symptom of lust).
It causes this phenomenon of obsession because they want to “figure it out” or “solve the puzzle”.
This can happen when a person is dating someone who gives them “just enough to keep going”.
I’ve witnessed this happen to friends, and I’ve experienced this myself.
The only thing you can do is recognize it and see it truly for what it is.
If you are resonating with what I’ve said so far and you are in the dating world. Below is a list of questions you could ask yourself to determine if what you are experiencing is obsession:
1) How much time has passed since you have met this person? If it’s only been 2 weeks to a month and you claim to love this person – it sounds a bit like obsession.
2) When you first met this person, did you get an insane jolt of euphoria? If yes, it could be obsession.
3) Do you feel insecure about yourself, and are constantly doubting yourself? If yes, it could be obsession.
4) Did you put this person on a pedestal and idolize them? If yes, it could be obsession.
5) Are you constantly Googling questions or find yourself on Quora asking complete strangers where you think a relationship is headed? If yes, it could be obsession.
6) When you are not physically with this person, do you feel like this person isn’t just gone physically, but they are gone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? Like they went down a black hole when they left? Does that feeling cause you to obsess about things more? If yes…
7) Do you feel you are constantly getting seduced into something that never fails to disappoint you?
This is only a few questions.. but they can be clarifying in times of chaotic thoughts.
But how can you know its true love you may ask? I mean its what you have been wondering and questioning while you have been obsessing, right?
That’s easy.
Whether you are single or married. The work is all the same.
It starts with knowing how valuable YOU are to God and God only.
It starts with truly being okay with being on YOUR own. And I mean truly.
It starts with getting extremely clear on what YOU truly require in a relationship to be satisfied. (See Compatibility vs. Chemistry in Relationships – Which Is More Valuable?)
Notice how these have nothing to do with that other person?
True love is steady and consistent. It is made up of God’s love which is slow to grow (but always growing). Love is a knowing, in your heart of hearts (in its own time).
Obsession is nothing but spiritual bondage. The truth IS love – because it sets YOU free.
This post was inspired by:
Cultivating Committed Love Training by Anya Grace (Affiliate Link)
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