What IS the truth about anger exactly?
I want you to imagine an angry little child, a dog growling, or a cat hissing.
What do they all have in common?
The fact that they appear angry.
My Dad used to say my Mom was having “temporary insanity” whenever she would get angry.
Although, that is a somewhat blatant way of describing it, he might be onto something.
It hints at something, and that is – when some is appearing angry – is that a genuine expression of truth or that anger, or is it a mask for something else?
I was recently reading the book “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and it has a great short story describing what anger might show up as:
“One day, a mother and daughter were fighting loudly. Then suddenly, the telephone rang. “Hello?” The mother picked up the receiver hurriedly, her voice still thick with anger. The caller was her daughter’s homeroom teacher. As soon as the mother realized who was phoning, the tone of voice changed and she became very polite.
Then, for the next five minutes or so, she carried on a conversation in her BEST telephone voice. Once she hung up, in a moment, her expression changed again and she went straight back to yelling at her daughter.”
The purpose of this story is to say that most of what anger is, is sort’ve like intimidation. They explain it in the book as anger being a “fabrication”. Or a way of trying to control another person using harsh tones and words.
It makes sense.
As a person who struggles with anger myself, and always has. This was a good dose of reality I needed. It makes me think of my inner drama queen that is also a good actress.
That is the judgey perspective of what anger is, now lets move to the compassionate perspective…
Think of that child again, the cat and dog…
What do they all have in common?
It’s not just that they appear angry, they are actually just scared.
You may already know this, but deep down, anger is just a fear of abandonment.
In fact, alot of the negative emotion we experience is just fearing that we might lose something. This might be, a loss of love, a loss of a relationship, a loss of power, a loss of control, a loss of our dignity, a loss of our connection to God…
… maybe a loss of our sanity? 😉
Anger, is a defence mechanism, and you are using your anger as a mask to hide your vulnerable crying soul. (See 5 Tips On How to Alchemize your Sensitivity – For Highly Sensitive People)
I made an intention a few years ago that the best thing I could do with my anger was to try my best to turn it into tears. Tears generally have a less damaging effect on other people than rage.
Now, I don’t need to cry much anymore.
I still have my urges to express anger, and from time to time I express it.
But whenever, I feel that urge – I try to think of myself at a higher level of understanding and perspective.
I have this old man that lives inside of my brain, he is wise, and he just whispers to me whenever I am about to do something stupid (like get angry at someone).
He whispers little things like, “Is this something you might regret later?” or “If you could act with unconditional love right now, do that.”
Another little thing that helps is when I’m about to go lower into “the void of anger or sadness”, I don’t let myself go there. I just imagine myself in an airplane looking down at the slow world and thinking how small my problems really are.
Sure, maybe anger is an act, an impulse, or fear.
But dang, it just feels so REAL in the moment.
Best to figure out sooner rather than later if you tend to be an angrier person. This way you can react in the truth, not in the fear.
To those who have the fire within,
This post was inspired by:
Courage to be Disliked Book
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One response to “What is the Truth About Anger?”
You look like an expert)))