I read all of the classic books you could read about self-help, but one book in particular that stuck in my memory was a book called “How to Get What You Want, and Want What You Have” this is a book written by John Gray.
He also wrote the famous book “Men are from Mars, and Women are From Venus.” John Gray predominately teaches men and women about relationships. However, he does give women a lot of advice in how to live balanced lifestyles.
In my early 20s, I started really diving into the whole self-help world. I realized that this interest was something that was surely passed down from my father. A lot of people in the self-help realm in my Father’s Day of age were very much focused on “the power of positive thinking.” He always used to say to us kids, “you can do it, you can do it – if you put your mind to it.”
I wouldn’t have had it any other way…
…But I thought at times that this mentality was a bit unbalanced. I wanted to know how to live a balanced life as a woman. Sometimes you really can’t just get rid of negativity. Sometimes you have to just sit in the uncomfortable feelings, and not just bypass them by “thinking positively”.
(See The Dark Side of The Self Improvement Industry)
Looking at the title of John Gray’s books I thought at first, “these sound cheesy”. But I decided to read on how I could get what I want, and want what I have. Just as the title implies, John gives an approach to getting what you want in life but in a way that is non-forceful and with self-agency. It isn’t your typical “just focus on positive things and demand more” but more asking for what you want in your life, but not expecting it like your life depends on it.
The other part of the book “and want what you have”, is essentially the most important part. After you get what you want in life, a lot of times people over-time, become dis-satisfied with what they have. It’s a funny thing really.
In this section of the book, John talks about a concept he came up with that is one of the most profound things I’ve ever heard, he calls it “The Love Vitamins”.
This concept is something that I have relied on in my life as a way to lean on certain areas of your life when you are feeling depleted. He explains that when you are feeling dissatisfied in any area of your life, or low-energy its because you are deficient in one or more of these vitamins.
Below are each of the 10 Love Vitamin’s – these have helped me live a more balanced life as a woman:
1. Vitamin S: Self Love
Ideas to replenish: get a massage, have a bath, go for a nice dinner by yourself (or make one), go for a walk
2. Vitamin F: Love and support from Family, Friends, and Fun
Ideas to replenish: phone a family member or friend, plan to meet up with a friend or family member, tease people at work, plan a party
3. Vitamin P1: Love and support from our Parents
Ideas to replenish: Ask your parents for help when struggling, check in with them, ask if they need support from you
4. Vitamin P2: Love and support from our Peers who have the same goals as us
Ideas to replenish: join a self interest class, church groups, YouTube communities
5. Vitamin D: Loving and supporting someone who is Dependent on us like a child or pet
Ideas to replenish: have a child (lol), or get a pet, OR ask to take care of someone else’s’ child OR pet!
6. Vitamin C: Giving back to our Community
Ideas to replenish: attend local events, give to local charities, promote local businesses
7. Vitamin W: Giving back to the World
Ideas to replenish: help a random stranger, volunteer for a cause
8. Vitamin R: Love and support from Romantic Relationships and Romance
Ideas to replenish: plan a date with your partner every week, asking your partner for help, if you’re single – plan more meet ups
9. Vitamin G: Love and support from God
Ideas to replenish: going to church, praying for others and yourself, watching a sermon online
10. Vitamin G2: Serving God
Ideas to replenish: seeking your purpose, helping others around you, asking God “How can I serve”
* * *
I treat these Love Vitamins as “levers” to balance out my life. As it says in the book, if you ever notice yourself feeling depleted or dissatisfied, take a look at these vitamins – one of them might need replenishing.
Stay balanced,
This post was inspired by:
John Gray
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