Since I have become a married woman, I have started to have some fears around having a baby. Personally, I don’t know how to think about childbearing. When discussing this with my own mother, she seems not to understand why I have such a fear.
In her generation, having children was so normal, even second nature. It seems to me that the mainstream thought before was “okay, we are married now – let’s have children”, versus the thoughts today of, “should I even have children?” or “children are expensive” or “what about my freedom?”
Back then, it seemed to me that the idea of choosing not to have children was rarely even a thought. Which has me thinking, is this change of thought normal?
I remember asking my Dad a few years ago, “Why would you even consider having children?” and he responded with, “Because your parents had children.”
I was just at the doctor recently, and I asked him, “How many women come in here and have struggles with fertility?” and he said, “Infertility is on the rise. It’s a real problem.” This struck a chord of fear inside of me. Even a medical doctor is telling me infertility is on the rise – and not a “conspiracy theorist,” lol.
This got me thinking again…
I started reflecting back on my own life as a woman. When I was a very young girl, I was very girly. I liked pink and purple, I liked dressing up, I liked playing with Barbie, and I loved romantic movies.
As I stepped into teenage-hood, I was a bit of a tomboy. I liked to dress more boyishly, be competitive in sports, and I was in a phase that was separate from my girly self.
Then I became an adult.
All I can remember is that I was following what I was being told to do. Which was, you need to go to school so you can develop a career. (See Why Being An Independent Woman Is a Way to Cope)
The main argument now is that for so long it was pushed on people that they need to get married young and have children and live the “American dream.”
Over the years, this has become something seen as negative.
The pendulum has now swung so far the other way that they are telling young women now they need to get “a career” and they can do all that getting married and children stuff later on in life.
Do not underestimate the power of influence.
To me, this idea that I need to figure out my career at 18 and figure out the “family stuff” later on in life forced me into my BRAIN and not my body.
I had to figure out what I was going to “do with my life” as a woman from a logical perspective. So, I did what most women are doing now and went to college and worked in many different jobs.
I was living in my brain, while my body was put on “standby.”
I like to think of living in my brain as my “man mode” and living in my body as “woman mode.” Some call it being in your “masculine” or being in your “feminine.”
And no, this comparison doesn’t mean women are not capable of using their brains. In fact, the body is extremely intelligent in its own way.
Those years of my early 20s, I was essentially living in my man mode. Therefore, my woman mode was hidden in the background. I almost even sort of despised being a woman in those years.
In about my mid-20s, my Dad introduced me to a famous psychologist named “Dr. Jordan Peterson.” https://www.youtube.com/@JordanBPeterson
From there, was my journey back to my hidden woman.
I watched lecture after lecture on YouTube. He so potently described the clear differences between men and women that I started to gain this deep and profound appreciation for what men do in our society.
I was so inspired by him that I would anonymously send letters to businesses that predominately have men working in their industry (carpentry, construction, and plumbing).
I’d express just how much I appreciate how hard they work day in and day out performing jobs that I would never want to do.
I gained such empathy for what men go through; it got me skeptical about the new mainstream thought of “ladies, just worry about the children thing later.”
Here is the thing. My husband once cleverly said to me, “the difference between a man and a woman is the ‘womb’ in woman.”
(I know, this might be controversial to say).
THIS is the difference between women these days living in their brain, versus living in their body.
Am I suggesting that women CAN’T do a man’s job?
Nope. They can.
But what I am suggesting is that while you are doing a man’s job, your woman may be temporarily hidden.
I can “play” with being a man, just like I did when I was a teenager. I can lift heavy things, I can compete, I can dress manly, and I can work long hours. And sometimes, it’s fun to do that.
But while being a woman, you need to ask the question – does this come at a cost to my body? Am I going out of balance? Has my personal pendulum swung too far?
Collectively, women are becoming more stressed, more worried, have more sexual partners, and are largely ignoring their sensitive and vulnerable nature.
There is nothing you do in this life that has absolutely no consequences. (Man or woman).
Read that again.
Being a woman from a very young age, your body literally tells you to pay attention to me when you start having a cycle.
This cycles back to the beginning of this post.
Why is everyone and myself so afraid to have babies?
Well, I believe fear is an illusion and can come from external places. I believe I formed a belief system from society that turned into a daily mindset. This mindset disconnected me from my body and put me into my brain.
The good news is you can choose not to be a victim of the “trends” in society.
Will the work I put into my career somehow benefit me in the long run?
Sure. However, my body never cared about my career.
Will I be able to have a fulfilling life without having children?
If I have the opportunity to have children and choose not to. I don’t want that type of regret later in life.
Are some women not truly meant to have children?
Yes, sometimes that is the plan for them.
Are children expensive?
Sure, but there are plenty of children born into poverty. So if you are middle class, what is your excuse?
How much do the memories I have with my own parents cost?
They aren’t for sale.
I have concluded that having a baby is not necessarily something you rationalize with your brain.
Everyone you meet in your life was once a baby who had a mother and a father.
Having a baby just “is.” It’s a massive part of our nature as women, that can’t be ignored with mainstream fear and thoughts. As a woman, this is something we need to at least consider. And it quite literally is the reason the human race continues.
If you are able to conceive as a woman, it is a gift from God – and an absolute privilege. But even having a “choice” of whether or not you want children – is actually the way a “privileged” society behaves.
However, the thing with privileges – is that they can be taken away. Just like the rise of infertility, and your biological clock.
This realization caused me to develop an immense gratitude for being a womban.
And men – we can’t do it without you 😉
This post was inspired by:
Magnetic Feminine Woman Training by Anya Grace (Affiliate Link)
Related posts: